Hey!

Here's my set of goals for the week.

1. Make 3 workout classes this week.
2. Workout out 5 days this week.
3. Try a new, healthy recipe (may have to be closer to the weekend).

I know this is a quick post, but I wanted to get one in, and I wanted to set some achievables for the next few days. 

MIA and Threshold

I just realized it's been a few days since my last post, and the last one was fairly serious...

Well, that situation is still very much a reality, but I promise I didn't jump off the deep end (I know, you could almost picture me, at least the version of me you have created given my lack of photo, perched on the edge of a carton of Ben and Jerry's, ready to dive in)!

I am in full-blown, I have a full-time job that thinks it's two full-time jobs but only wants to pay me half a full-time job taking graduate classes on top of things in the middle of finals week but still have to make the holiday cookie packages and Christmas shop and get the car detailed you want me to pay how much? panic mode!  This weekend, and this coming week, have been, and will be, insane! 

BUT, I am finally under my first threshold, and I have my sights on 245, even in this craziness.  I will do better to keep things updated!  (Especially since I definitely have some followers...sometimes I had them, and sometimes I didn't....I think blogger has been having some growing pains!)  I'm excited to have you along on the journey with me! 

When Life is Tough...

So, I got one of those phone calls yesterday.  You know, the one that let's you know that either your life, or the life of someone very close to you, is about to turn upside down, inside out, the mother-load hitting the fan.

As the call unfolded, I literally felt the weight of the world descend upon my shoulders.  I consciously remember feeling the weight as they fell forward.  Sitting at my desk, pen still poised over the paper I was halfway through grading.

Now, I'm not going to say that I have the worst life imaginable, because I don't.  I am blessed with people I love, and people who love me.  But, I am no stranger to life-altering moments and lesson-learning.  I am all too familiar with the feeling of the rug being ripped from under my feet.

My challenge this time around is to get through this situation without sabbotaging myself.  I'm not a heavy drinker, I don't smoke, and I've never touched drugs.  I learned, from a very early age to eat through my stress and feelings.  I cannot do this anymore, and I'm being challenged very early in this new commitment!

Tonight, after I got home, I did some chores, and then I went to Zumba.  I didn't want to, as it is a late class, but I feel much better knowing I made that choice.  It was a good choice.  And now, to continue the good choicies tomorrow...

At the Threshold, just not across Or When the Elephant in the Room is You...

So, I just got back from another Zumba class.  It was both better and worse than the last two times.  Better in that I am catching on...worse in that I let the doubts creep in for a while tonight. 

You see, I'm kind of a tall girl...well, not kind of, I am.  And being exactly 250 lbs, I am not easy to miss!  No matter where I looked in the room full of mirrors tonight, I could see myself...even when another was directly in front of me...and it was difficult in that it was a constant reminder in how far I have to go.  I was wearing a gray shirt tonight, so at one point, with my long ponytail flapping around, I truly thought I looked like a funky elephant...

But I keep reminding myself that I didn't quite get here all at once, and I won't leave here all at once.  I think that's also why I've decided to set my sights on 5 lb intervals. 

Which leads me to my week one achievement.  Although I haven't passed my first goal, tonight the scale said I was directly at it, which means I'm close, and down 5 lbs this week!

So, I guess, enough of the pity party...I am now staring down 245...bring it!

Flat Out!

I took another aerobics class tonight.  I am a great balance of coordinated uncoordinated.  Some moves, I catch on with ease, and just as that happens, we move on, and I'm hopelessly lost, forced to march in place until I do catch on.  Then guess what?  We move on!  (And, it's also an interesting sign when you feel halfway through the workout when the instructor yells "And that's the end of the warm up!"  Oh dear...)

Afterwards, I came home and made a pizza with multi-grain Flat Out bread.  If you've never used it, you must!  It's 100 calories (some of the options are 90 and others are 120), and it's great for all kinds of uses, from pizzas to wraps to dippers.

To make my pizza, I throw some veggies in a pan on the stove (whatever you want).  To save time, I always have frozen onion, pepper, and celery medleys I can toss into the pan.  While they defrost and begin to cook up, I take some canadian bacon slices and use a pizza cutter to cut them into smaller bits (you can use quite a bit of canadian bacon for relatively few calories.  I use 1/4 of a package, and mine works out to be 35 calories!)  I throw those in with the veggies.  When that's starting to brown up, I throw half a can of crushed pineapple in the pan.  This both deglazes the pan, and creates a grilled pineapple flavor.  Yum!  I hit the preheat on the oven and throw my piece of flat out in while its preheating.  Just keep an eye on it.  You don't want it to brown, instead, you just want it to crisp up a bit.  By the time you pull it out of the oven, the mixture in the pan should be cooking out most of the juices.  Spread pizza sauce on the bread, put your toppings on, and sprinkle with part-skim mozzarella cheese.  By now the oven should have reached 350.  Throw it in until the cheese melts.  You can even broil it a bit if you like the cheese bubbly.  And voila!  You have a fantastic pizza!  Mine comes out to just under 300 calories...for the entire thing!  Wahoo!

Let me know if you try it, or if you have other favorite, healthy recipes!

Science Fiction...

I am laughing a bit because I just tried to mobile blog...then blog traditionally via mobile technology...none of it has gone well. I am going to try to post this, and will post again when I have an actual keyboard!

Playing Hide and Hide with the Scale...

So, I seem to have a real issue with the scale.  About a decade ago, I avoided it like the plague.  I mean, I went YEARS without looking at the number (even going as far as telling the nurse's at the doctor's office to "Keep it to yourself.").  And that was when I was still in 1derland.  It's this precise ostrich-like behavior that allowed me to vault into the 200s.  I didn't just wander in aimlessly.  Instead, I bull-dozed my way in, and the first time I saw a number that began with 2, it was followed by a 65.  And then I proceeded to stick my head in the sand again.

I can honestly say I don't know what my heaviest weight was.  I am guessing 275.  Wow, right? 

When I have several bad habit days in a row, I tend to revert back to the ostrich behavior with the scale, and so I have come to the conclusion that I have to weigh myself daily.  Yes, this presents an entire new host of problems, because I want to see results daily, but I cannot afford anymore vaulting!

So, I seem to be closing in on my first benchmark, and I find myself looking forward to reading the numbers in the morning...

Committed or Crazy?

So, I know what it's like to be committed to something, and I know what it's like to have someone committed.  I found myself thinking about this word during my Zumba class tonight.

What statement am I making by starting my journey in the middle of the Holiday season?  Am I thumbing my nose at temptation, trying to ride above it all?  Am I trying to get a head start on my New Year's resolution (I have now surpassed the decade mark for this #1 "This is the Year!" statement that turns out to be anything but resolute) so that it can't possibly run me down, run me over, and then shriek with laughter as I stumble more than I step?  Is this commitment, or should I be committed?

I was tired tonight, and I didn't really want to go workout.  And this is just the beginning of long working days, grad school classes, and long evenings that will last for the next couple of years at least.  I'm going into this new round of weight loss with the same gusto I have attacked all previous attempts, and that's not what worries me.  I'm a great starter...but I have never allowed myself to finish the task.  I've only ever allowed myself to get halfway. 

Can I afford to let myself wallow in excuses?  "I'm tired.  I'm too busy. It's the Holidays (my birthday, your birthday, someone's birthday...)"  It's not a question of whether or not I can get away with it.  I'm an adult, and I make my own decisions, but I have to make no mistake, I will pay for it.  That's another truth I must own.  Come hell or high water, if I keep doing what I am doing to my body, I will die an early, and most likely extremely painful death. 

So, some may think I should be committed for starting this journey again, and at this time (and they have already told me so), but I honestly think I should be committed if I don't.  200+ pounds is crazy, and I have to take ownership.

Yes, deep for a third post, maybe.  But I've also told myself that if I'm going to blog this journey, I need to be honest about it.

As for tonight's Zumba class, let's just say that I was still feeling Monday's today, and so I will probably be feeling tonight's tomorrow!

Zumba Zoinks!

So, remember Scooby Doo?  Remember the extreme use of the explitive "Zoinks"?  Well, I think I may have discovered the reason.

I think it is quite possible that Shaggy participated in some extra-curricular endeavors that kept him in a rather comfortable daily groove (Scooby Snacks indeed).  However, the series of misadventures he and his sidekicks managed to bumble into would increase his adrenaline and clear his system a bit quicker than usual.  "Zoinks" resulted when Shaggy could suddenly feel every single muscle in his body as he ran away from one ghoul or another.

How did I come to this conclusion?  This morning, when I got out of bed...Zoinks!  No, I wasn't running from any sort of goblin or evil park owner looking to kill me for foiling his plot to take over the world, but I was definitely feeling every single muscle!

But feeling it in a good way, I think.  Yes, I am sore, but sore in a way that I feel like I've begun a journey, and I've already accomplished something.  So, I think I'll be going back for more tomorrow...Zoinks!

The First Threshold

250. The first threshold.  I swear to God, last week I was 245.  I have no idea how I jumped ten pounds.  Well, okay, so it might have had something to do with the Chinese food, pumpkin pie, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and the chocolate covered caramels I consumed while practically crippled by a random strained back.  (Now that one, I REALLY have no idea about.  This having been my first experience with back pain from hell, I would gladly go the rest of my life without going through that again.)

                So, back to the first threshold.  I made my first steps in making my way back into the 240s today.  I took a Zumba class.  And while it’s called Zumba, I will probably think of it as “Humiliate the rhythm-challenged fat girl by surrounding her with mirrors, skinny pretties, and placing her ass smack dab in front of a window that looks over a weight room filled with hot men” class.  While I am sure this is the proper name, I can see why they may have shortened it.  Who would knowingly walk into that?

                I’m not going to lie, at one point while I was shaking my derriere in my best Shakira (okay, more like Shamu) fashion in front of the window, I considered bolting.  My keys and water bottle were directly behind me.  One quick spin move, and I could be gone (I was willing to sacrifice my towel).  Who could honestly blame me?  I’m sure some on the floor outside the class might even consider it a humanitarian effort worthy of award (cessation of cruel and unusual punishment is usually seen in a positive light, after all).  But, then I realized it would only ensure my continued impersonation of Shamu, and that is just not acceptable. 

                So, I took a deep breath, and shook it with the best of them.  Come hell or high water, I will face down the pretties, the mirrors, and yes, even the hotties beyond the window, all in the name of crossing thresholds.  250, you’re in my sights, and you’re going down.